and we’re back online folks!
it has been 2 weeks since my last post.
much of the last two weeks has been foggy to me. foggy with medications and pain and healing and fight.
so much good and so much difficulty.
lets start with the good, the best.
diamond wizard is well!
today is 10 1/2 weeks. that just feels great to say.
on monday, my husband and i were able to watch the latest ultrasound.
it was so glorious to see the little wizard on-screen, heartbeat strong.
the doc said that wizard was kicking. and you could see it! that babe has moves.
little fire-y one, telling us not to worry.
surromama has been incredibly sick, which has been so hard.
whenever our dog miso feels ill, we call it the sickies.
our surromama has the sickies.
so sicky that she has had to seek medical intervention, which has been scary for us all.
the silver lining was that it forced us to find an OB gynecologist for her, which is something i had meant to do but it got swept under the rug as i faced my own medical interventions.
i think there was also this part of me that was scared to do things that normal pregnant people do.
if i did stuff like find an ob gyn, i would be hopeful.
well nothing like a good old medical scare to force me to get over myself.
that’s the beauty with medical scares. they kinda force you to see what is important.
i wish i could take away her sickies.
the stomach pain.
the inability to do anything but rest.
i wish i could hold that pain so she could just be the amazing momma she is without having to juggle the pain.
oh, you want to know what kind of momma she is?
she is the kind that celebrates her kids uniqueness, basks in their glory, and laughs at their silliness.
i wish you all could see her kids. they are so incredibly unique and awesome. they are so much fun to be around.
diamond wizard is going to have some amazing surrosiblings.
tomorrow we should graduate from ivf world, which is bittersweet.
on one hand, it will be nice to be like every other pregnancy.
on the other hand, it’s also nice to have someone tracking your pregnancy.
but in the end, this graduation means that we are one step closer to the big production.
the big finale.
the big introduction.
but i digress…
a surgical conundrum
my healing has been long and labored.
i have had so many ups and downs.
the surgery, in itself, was up and down.
my doctor removed 6 fibroids and said that was a success.
sadly, there was one fibroid that was in a dangerous spot and she decided not to remove it because the risk of perforating my ovary was too high.
not sure what that means for moving forward with pregnancy, whether that fibroid will cause us concern or not.
but what would my pregnancy adventure be without a little complication?
that was sarcastic.
the pee challenge
the hospital time was hard.
monday was a blur of surgery prep and post surgical daze.
tuesday was little sleep, minimal attempts at walking, and no catheter removal.
wednesday was a crazy day of early morning pizzazz and late afternoon hell.
catheter came out wednesday morning, which meant that i had to get up from bed when i needed to pee.
peeing on my own was on the checklist before i could be released from the hospital.
the morning was promising and in the early afternoon, i finally peed on my own.
(like a big girl)
but by the afternoon, i was in excruciating pain.
it was looking like we’d be spending another night in the hospital.
thankfully, after some forced food and lots of rest, i was in better shape and able to go home.
home sweet home
the attack of the pain meds
the next few days were a struggle as the pain medications attacked my stomach and made it impossible for me to have a bowel movement.
the pain and nausea were unbearable, which was an ironic twist.
here i was experiencing much of what my surromama was experiencing.
after a medication switch, the nausea and stomach pain subsided and with some suppository help i was able to have bowel movements again.
never thought i’d see the day where poop was my highlight.
talk about good parenting practice!
sadly, though, the new pain meds didn’t address the pain as well as the old pain meds.
so i was experiencing far more incision pain than before.
you can get that where?
and to make matters worse, my tongue and throat were killing me.
i thought i must have bit my tongue during surgery and imagined the throat pain was from the tube removal.
but when i eventually looked in the mirror, i was SHOCKED.
turns out… drum roll please… you can get a yeast infection in your mouth.
so there was that.
ups and downs
by the middle of this week, i was ready for the healing to begin.
and its been up and down since.
speaking of up and down…that is the hardest part.
getting up and down from bed is like taking a knife and stabbing oneself repeatedly in the lower abdomen.
don’t even get me started about showering.
although now that i think about it, showering is kind of my favorite activity.
well, not counting the pain i feel during the shower.
pain. that little thing.
but showering means cleaning. i loathe feeling dirty. and greasy.
and i LOATHE having hairy legs.
the problem – however – was that i couldn’t bend to reach my legs to remove the hair.
talk about love.
yep, you see where this is going…
loathe leg hair. love showering. can’t bend down on my own.
after some batting of the eyes, walt’s sister agreed to shave my legs for me.
talk about getting to know me up close and personal!
this would be a good time to stop and talk about how amazing those sisters have been to me.
those two sisters (in love) of mine are the most special people i know.
they were angels.
they were incredible to me.
they set alarms to make sure i was taking my medications.
they made charts and organized my recovery so that i didn’t have to think.
(because, trust me, thinking was just not in the cards.)
and they prayed with me when things got a little scary with the surromama and her pain.
that brought me to tears.
i am the lucky one.
the sisters left as my husband was flying home.
it was actually pretty amazing because the sisters were boarding their plane as my husband was getting off of his plane. only two gates separated them, so they were able to see each other long enough to hug.
gotta be a little honest here.
i was a little worried about the sisters leaving as they had been the foundation for my recovery.
my husband is amazing in many ways, but he isn’t a fan of care-taking me.
but man oh man, that hubby of mine sure stepped it up.
we had this cute little ritual that we’d do when he helped me stand up. he’d lift me up and as i reached full standing, he’d kiss me.
little moments like that made the week bearable.
time for healing
today has already been a tough day.
incision pain is strong as i try to space out the pain medications.
but i am determined to do it.
there is something about healing that makes you appreciate the life you have.
appreciate the support you have.
appreciate the friends you have.
appreciate the family you have.
appreciate the body you have.
i feel inspired to get up from this healing and take back control of my life.
i feel inspired to exercise again and to return to the body i knew before IVF took over and changed its form.
i feel inspired to focus on gratitude – to do everything in my power to focus on the good.
with all of the ups and downs and ins and outs, there really is a lot of joy to be felt.
so here’s to cultivating that joy, healing this body of mine, and experiencing the beauty of this pregnancy that i get to share with my surromama.
here’s to moving out of the fog and into the bright lights!